Anxiety: The Third Wheel
Me, Plus You, Plus Anxiety Makes Three?
If you read my last post on the complexity of relationships, then you’ve already heard my belief that relationships require ongoing, intentional effort and maintenance to be successful. Imagine introducing a stranger into your relationship. While familiar to you, it can feel like a third wheel for your significant other. Some of the more common ways this unwelcome party of worry, fear, and rumination can rear its ugly head in relationships are dependence or codependence, controlling behaviors, communication challenges, avoidance, or tension.
Dependent or Codependent Relational Patterns:
Most individuals who have a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder or who experience regular feelings of anxiety could become Olympic Gold Medalists in overthinking situations, constantly imagining worst-case scenarios in an effort to avoid experiencing negative emotions of any kind. This thinking error can result in self-doubt, indecisiveness, insecurity, and seeking validation from their partner to mitigate fear. While it isn’t necessarily unhealthy to seek support and validation from your partner, if done too frequently, these patterns can foster either dependence or codependence in the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, external validation feels great, but at the end of the day, we need to be able to give it to ourselves first. The afflicted individual may require so much validation to feel “okay” that their partner begins feeling exhausted and drained by their interactions. The supportive partner may perpetually attempt to “fix” the problem to “protect” their loved one from experiencing distress thus enabling the anxious partner’s drive to seek more and more external validation, which can ultimately result in a vast power differential.
Controlling Behaviors:
Because anxiety is a fear-based disorder, it can often manifest in attempts to control to decrease fear. While it is natural for us to desire some sense of control to feel safe, anxious individuals may seek control in extreme or unhealthy ways in an effort to achieve stability or a sense of order to feel safe. For some, this may present as a need for their environment to be clean and organized in order to decrease anxiety. The individual may attempt to get other family members to keep things tidy, which is not inherently wrong, but the standards can seem insurmountable.
Communication Challenges:
Anxious individuals may fear being vulnerable or experiencing conflict with their partner. As such, they may avoid hard conversations, become defensive easily, shut down, and have difficulty expressing their true feelings and needs. Their inability to feel safe to communicate can hinder emotional intimacy in the relationship. A way this may show up in a relationship is simply avoiding conversations the anxious partner suspects will lead to conflict with their partner.
Tension:
As anxiety is an internalizing disorder, individuals who struggle with worry and anxiety live with constant tension as they attempt to manage what they’re feeling inside. Unfortunately, this tension often spills over into their relationship creating an environment where their partner is constantly on edge, attempting to anticipate their partner’s needs and emotions. Perhaps, the anxious individual exhibits irritability which leads those around him or her to feel as if they are walking on eggshells.
There Are Solutions to Be Found
If your eyes are starting to glaze over because this just feels negative or intimidating, hang in there. There are solutions to implement and hope to be found. Just like I have done, you can find healthy ways to manage your symptoms to prevent this uninvited animal from robbing the joy of your relationships and life.
Anxiety has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, which means anxiety has also played a role in my personal and professional relationships as well. Yes folks, you’re hearing me correctly, even as a therapist with education and training on the subject, I still battle feelings of anxiety from time to time. It can feel overwhelming and insurmountable at times, but I have learned some tools to help me navigate it more easily over the years.
Although, not an exhaustive list, anyone wanting to work towards decreasing anxiety symptoms and improving their relationship can take active steps to impact meaningful change. If anxiety is wreaking havoc in your relationship, here are a few things you can do to better manage what you’re feeling and how you respond:
Don’t go it alone.
Find a licensed therapist to talk about the things that create anxiety and worry for you. Individual therapy can help you learn new ways of thinking about the events and circumstances that create anxiety for you.
Share your experience.
Talk to your spouse or significant other about your fears, triggers for anxiety, and your needs. If this feels too scary, consider enlisting the help of a licensed therapist who specializes in working with couples and anxiety. Couples therapy can help improve communication, build trust, and provide tools to manage these issues as a team.
Prioritize self-care.
This can look many ways and varies from person to person. It might be a warm bath, time outdoors, movement, or getting a massage. You get to decide.
Practice self-compassion.
Few of my clients know how to speak to themselves or about themselves with kindness upon entering therapy. I don’t think I have ever had a client feel better by speaking poorly to themselves. Speak to yourself the way you might speak to a child or someone you love dearly.
Educate yourself on anxiety. Information is out there whether it be a podcast, book, a therapist, or psychiatrist. Ask me questions to learn more about what you can do.
If Your Relationship is Being Impacted by Anxiety Reach Out to an Anxiety Therapist in North Richland Hills, TX
If you've ever felt the weight of anxiety affecting your relationship, you're not alone. The good news is that there are solutions to these challenges, and you can find hope and healing. As a therapist who has also grappled with anxiety, I've learned tools to navigate it more effectively, and I'm here to share them with you. If anxiety is casting a shadow over your relationship, take proactive steps to manage it. Seek the support of a licensed therapist to explore the roots of your anxiety and develop healthier thought patterns. Open up to your partner about your fears and triggers, or consider couples therapy with a specialist in anxiety to enhance communication and trust. Prioritize self-care, practice self-compassion, and educate yourself about anxiety to regain control over your life and your relationship. Don't let anxiety be the unwanted third wheel in your partnership—take action and reclaim the joy in your connections.
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OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES AVAILABLE AT LUXX THERAPY
In addition to Therapy for Anxiety, we offer a wide range of services at Luxx Therapy geared towards meeting you where you are in your mental health journey including Trauma Therapy and Couples Therapy. We will walk the path to understanding and healing with you whether you are in need of Individual Counseling, Couples Counseling, or Family Therapy! Reach out to us today.