From Individual Anxiety to Collective Healing: The Power of Couples Therapy
Understanding Anxiety: A Universal Emotion
Anxiety. It is a word we hear often. We talk about feeling anxious and say that something is giving us anxiety or making us anxious. So, what does that mean? According to the APA, when you are experiencing anxiety, you may experience tense muscles, rapid heart rate, and feelings of restlessness. Anxiety is when we are anticipating a future event that is causing us excessive worry. Anxiety is a reaction to stress. It is a universally felt emotion and can impact individuals regardless of race, socioeconomic status, gender, race/ethnicity, or age. When you are experiencing anxiety, you may experience tense muscles, rapid heart rate, and feelings of restlessness. While you may not have an anxiety disorder, these experiences may be familiar to you.
Relationship Anxiety: The Intricate Web
Relationship anxiety is the same thing, but the anxiety is connected to romantic, professional, or friend relationships. Romantically, it may be pervasive thoughts that your partner is going to leave you. Professionally, this may show up by repeatedly checking your email to see if a boss or client has reached out. Within friendships, you may experience FOMO when you see posts of mutual friends hanging out without you, and you may worry that they hate you. You get the gist, right? Discomfort and a lack of confidence in the safety of the relationship.
Exploring the Roots of Relationship Anxiety
There are a multitude of reasons why you may have anxiety towards relationships: perhaps divorce has impacted you, you have had an unstable relationship with your caregiver, you have an overall anxious attachment style, you have been cheated on, you have been abandoned by a loved one, you have had a difficult break-up, you have experienced being hurt in general. The list goes on…
The Anxious Attachment Style
In a previous blog, I talked about the different attachment styles. One of the major attachment styles is anxious attachment, which can be more thoroughly explored in the link above. In relationships, anxious individuals often have difficulty trusting their partner, have trouble setting or respecting boundaries, need frequent validation and assurance, and feel dependent on their partner for emotional regulation.
“Emotional dependency is not immature or pathological; it is our greatest strength.” – Dr. Sue Johnson
Does this mean you need to be single until you work through your anxiety or fears?
Debunking Relationship Healing Myths
I have heard this often; amongst friends, family, and on today’s social media from self-help “gurus”:
∙ “I know you are ready for a relationship, but have you healed from the last one?”
∙ “It’s foolish, to be dating when you should be healing.”
∙ “How long does it take to heal before a new relationship?”
∙ “Here’s how long you should heal before a relationship.”
While I am not saying that working on yourself is ever a bad thing, the view that you can be healed independently of any relationship may just be a pipe dream. Society has gravitated toward a general viewpoint that we must be fully healed to show up effectively in our relationships. But really, it seems truer to say that there is not a one-size-fits-all all approach. In reality, sometimes it takes exposure and experience to challenge your fears. A person may reflect and work through their anxious symptoms when they are alone, but it is difficult to know what they will be like in a new relationship without being in a new relationship. We may discover that there are wounds that can only be revealed when we are experiencing feelings of like, love, and lust towards another person.
The Role of Couples Therapy
This is when couples therapy can come into play. Couples therapy is a space for both partners to process and reflect on their feelings and wounds in ways that are affecting their relationship. When relationship anxiety arises, a couple’s counselor is available to be a non-biased third party that can help clients effectively communicate their experience. Hence, collective healing can occur in the safe, warm environment of a couples counseling session.
“The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them.” – Dr. Sue Johnson
Collective Healing in Relationships
Collective healing occurs when individuals feel supported to demonstrate emotional vulnerability and implement behavioral changes within their community and interpersonal relationships. Often when couples come to therapy and say they need or want to improve their communication skills, it is likely related to unresolved attachment wounds that are being displayed as dysfunctional communication styles. Anxiety is a feeling that people often attend individual counseling sessions for, but when anxiety arises in relationships due to past attachment wounds and experiences, couples therapy is a place to effectively identify ways for the couple to reach safety, security, and healing through the relationship.
Embracing Healthy Emotional Dependency
Individual healing is important as it can be applied to the collective dynamic. Two hurt individuals are able to do the work on their own but only go so far in terms of interpersonal skills in romantic relationships when they are not exposed to the raw emotions that occur within relationships. When we become aware that healthy emotional dependency is not clingy, weak, or negative, we open ourselves up to a beautiful, responsive connection with our partner. Collective healing in couples therapy gives the couple the safe space to emotionally connect on a deeper level that can create a foundation for tough times that come throughout their lives. Together, you can discover even more about your individual self and what you need to heal.
Take the First Step Toward Healthy Emotional Connection in Couples Therapy in North Richland Hills, TX
Don't buy into the myth that you need to be fully healed before entering a relationship. Sometimes, healing happens within the warmth of a connection. It's time to embrace healthy emotional dependency as a strength, not a weakness.
If you're in a relationship and anxiety is affecting it, couples therapy can be a beacon of hope. It provides a safe space for both partners to communicate, heal, and grow together. Remember, sharing your emotions and challenges is the most functional way to regulate them in love relationships.
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OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES AVAILABLE AT LUXX THERAPY
In addition to Therapy for Anxiety, we offer a wide range of services at Luxx Therapy geared towards meeting you where you are in your mental health journey including Trauma Therapy and Couples Therapy. We will walk the path to understanding and healing with you whether you are in need of Individual Counseling, Couples Counseling, or Family Therapy! Reach out to us today.
References:
American Psychiatric Association (Updated 2023). What are anxiety disorders? Anxiety Disorders.https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders/what-are-anxiety-disorders