Navigating Healthy Relationships After Toxicity: HOw Couples therapy can help
It was a hazy Monday afternoon. I worked up a bit of a sweat and noticed the slightly raised temperature in the bathroom where I sat beside a broken glass shower door sobbing, pleading to be left alone. The last thing I remember is a cool breeze rushing to caress my skin from the swift opening of the bathroom door. In an instant, I was grabbed by my ankle and dragged into the living room where his friends watched us in horror. “All I wanted to do was celebrate my birthday with him” I remember thinking to myself. “How did we end up here?”.
Toxic Relationships Can Cause Detachment From New Connections
Toxic relationships will make you quick to detach from connections that are no longer serving you. “I’ll never allow myself to be put in a situation like that ever again” is what I always told myself, but how do you navigate healthy relationships after experiencing toxic ones? How do you know which relationships are worth giving your energy to? How do you fight the urge to end a relationship at the slightest conflict? How do you fight the unconscious urge to self-sabotage a healthy dynamic?
The Impact of Toxic Relationships on the Ability to Love and Trust
Navigating healthy romantic relationships after toxic ones can be a challenging and daunting experience. The scars of a toxic relationship can deeply affect your ability to trust and love again, causing you to approach new relationships with caution and fear. However, with self-awareness, healing, boundary setting, and openness to learning and growth, it is possible to move on from a toxic relationship and build a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship.
Understanding the Impact of the Toxic Relationship(s)
The first step in navigating healthy romantic relationships after toxic ones is to acknowledge and understand the impact of the toxic relationship. In my circumstance, it is imperative for me to be transparent and state that yes, this particular relationship was not only toxic at times but also involved physical and emotional abuse. Not all toxic relationships are abusive, and it is common for abusive relationships to result in symptoms of depression or trauma. It is important to reflect on the relationship and its impact to consider if additional help is needed.
Failure to Process Can Cause You to be stuck in Relationship Trauma Mode
It can be easy to brush off the toxic events of a former relationship and quickly move on to the next thing without much conscious thought, however, this avoidance of really processing the relationship can cause us to be stuck in relationship trauma. It is important to take the time to reflect on the dynamics of the toxic relationship, the red flags that were present including the ones we may have ignored or rationalized, the ways in which it affected our emotional and mental well-being, and the ways it has affected how open/vulnerable we decide to be in relationships. This self-awareness is crucial in order to avoid repeating the same patterns in future relationships.
Healing is Needed to Move forward
A certain level of healing from a toxic relationship is needed before entering into a new one. Healing happens by feeling all the emotions associated with the toxic relationship. This can involve seeking therapy to work through the potential trauma and emotional scars left by the toxic relationship, journaling, or self-reflective self-care activities. Chances are, you may not be 100% healed before beginning a new relationship. Often times we believe we are healed from past relationships in our singlehood, but our triggers to past toxicity aren’t revealed until we are in a relationship again. That is okay. However, this is where communication and openness with your significant other is crucial.
Healing takes time, so it is important to be patient with yourself, forgive yourself, and allow the healing process to unfold at its own pace.
Mistrust: Seconds to Build, Years to Break
How many of us, after beginning to move on from a toxic relationship, found it difficult to trust again? I know I have. Many of us may have had trust issues even prior to the toxic relationship, further solidifying our mistrust in relationships. It is important to remember that trust is earned, and it is okay to take things slowly and establish trust gradually through openness and vulnerability.
Open and honest communication with a partner can be terrifying, but it is paramount
Open communication involves expressing your fears and concerns while also being open to hearing and understanding your partner’s perspective. Even still, I sometimes have to remind myself to communicate, especially when I feel like shutting down. In these moments, I try to remember that he deserves honesty no matter how bad past relationships have scarred me. Simultaneously, I can trust myself to know when/if things become too much for me.
Building trust takes time and effort from both partners, and it is important to be patient and understanding with one another. Seeking therapy can also be helpful in understanding significant mistrust and ways to combat those feelings.
Setting Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial in navigating a new romantic relationship after a toxic one. This involves clearly communicating your needs, expectations, and limits with a partner. You can journal these things as you think about the past toxic relationship to have a guide to look back on if needed. Ask yourself these questions:
What did this relationship teach me?
What were some of the red flags in the relationship/my former partner?
What are my needs in a relationship moving forward?
What are my non-negotiables?
What are my expectations of a healthy relationship?
What will be needed from me to maintain a healthy relationship?
What boundaries do I need to set with my partner?
What boundaries do I need to set with myself?
How can I communicate these boundaries effectively to ensure that they are respected?
What are my values?
When should the future of this relationship be reconsidered?
It is important to respect and honor each other's boundaries, and to create a safe and comfortable space for emotional and physical intimacy. Learning to assert yourself and speak up when boundaries are crossed is an important part of building a healthy relationship.
Imperfect Growth
Every relationship is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and others, to grow and evolve as individuals, and to build a deeper understanding of what a healthy and fulfilling relationship looks like. It is important to be open to feedback, to learn from past mistakes, and to be willing to work through challenges and difficulties together with a partner. Additionally, building a fulfilling and meaningful life outside of the relationship, pursuing personal goals and interests, and maintaining a strong support system are all important in maintaining a healthy sense of self and fostering a healthy relationship.
Healing from toxicity can be scary but the rewards are worth it
Navigating healthy romantic relationships after toxic ones is a journey that requires self-awareness, healing, and a willingness to learn and grow. It may be challenging at times, but with the right approach and support, it is possible to move on from a toxic relationship and build a healthy romantic relationship based on trust, respect, and love. It can be a scary experience, but it can also be worth it.
Begin Your Healing Journey: Individual Therapy in North Richland Hills, TX
After enduring the harrowing effects of toxic relationships, it's crucial to rediscover your strength and rebuild trust in yourself and others. In North Richland Hills, TX, our individual therapy offers a safe and nurturing space to process your experiences, heal from past traumas, and learn healthy ways to navigate new relationships. Whether you're struggling with detachment, self-sabotage, or the daunting task of setting boundaries, our compassionate therapists are here to guide you on your path to recovery and self-empowerment. Embrace the opportunity to heal and grow; reach out today to start your journey towards a healthier, happier you.
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OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES AVAILABLE AT LUXX THERAPY
At Luxx Therapy, we offer a wide range of services geared towards meeting you where you are in your mental health journey including Depression Therapy, Anxiety Therapy, Trauma Therapy, and Couples Therapy. We will walk the path to understanding and healing with you whether you are in need of Individual Counseling, Couples Counseling, or Family Therapy! Reach out to us today.