You vs. Everybody: The Power of Personal Healing in Couples Therapy
Connectedness/Love is a core need. Most of us want to be acknowledged and accepted. As we navigate the unknown, we collect experiences that inform us how to be or not to be in relation to others. To feel that connectedness and safety that we seek as children, we find ourselves mirroring those around us.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
As we navigate the world and the people in it, we find ourselves being informed by those experiences that kept us safe, connected, accepted, and seen. But unfortunately, the opposite is also true.
For some of us that has come with a cost. A cost of questioning self or even limiting our meaning, purpose, and overall authentic self with the world and those that we are in a relationship with.
Sometimes we are triggered by our experiences and the people in it. These feelings can arise from interactions that occurred decades ago, and your brain signals your body to follow suit; to react and behave in the ways it did before. Because your body hears what your mind thinks!
My Own Personal Journey
I think of a time when I was taking a group dance class at the gym. Nothing out of the ordinary. Step here, kick there, turn here, dip there. I was having a great time and moving my body with energy. Things were going great! Then the instructor added a challenging new move. As I hesitantly accepted the challenge, I found myself struggling more than usual. However, I stuck with it and went for it! Then BOOM, I fell. I was overwhelmed with feelings and memories of a time before when I had fallen and suffered an extensive sprain and tear in my calf. The fear took me out of the experience and my focus shifted from enjoyment to protecting myself. The fall was informing how I felt in that moment. All my good vibes went out the window…I felt scared. I felt embarrassed. And I froze.
Past Trauma Impacts Your Current Relationship
How many times has this happened in your relationship(S), where your past trauma showed up subconsciously and tried to protect you from perceived danger? Your body hears what you are thinking and governs itself accordingly.
How are you showing up in your intimate relationship with your partner? Constantly questioning your worthiness? Fearful of what you should/shouldn’t do to keep that person in your life? Constantly needing validation and/or the need to be heard? Or feeling insecure or “empty” when that person is not around?
What Are You Saying?
We subconsciously give out what it is that we want to receive. And if this goes uncommunicated and/or undiscovered it can wreak havoc on a relationship. Past traumas/triggers can ripple down through generations and have long-term impacts on relationships. It may become difficult to maintain healthy connections with partners due to the residual fear or mistrust that accompanies trauma.
You may question your worthiness in your relationship because you were never validated, or worthiness was wrapped in your accomplishments and accolades and there was little to no room for your individuality separate from your accomplishments. Or those feelings of insecurity due to growing up in a home with perfectionist expectations. These are just a few examples of trauma that can influence you in your relationships with loved ones.
Couples Therapy Can Help Answer These Questions
What is your relationship with yourself?
What are the inner dialogues that you have with yourself?
Are they rooted in some of your past experiences?
How much do these thoughts influence your behaviors?
Bridging the Gap In Couples Therapy
As you become vulnerable and begin breaking down the barriers challenging the thoughts that keep you chasing your tail and impacting your relationships in couples therapy, you become more receptive and insightful to those past experiences. I read a quote once that stated, “Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.” Couples counseling can help you and your partner bridge that gap.
When we left the story mentioned earlier, I was in the dance class completely overtaken by my emotions and removed from the experience I was having moments before. Once I was able to sit in the sauna and become grounded, I was able to process the thoughts that were overtaken by my emotions. In that moment I concluded that although my falling may have still happened, I may not have had the shock to my system if I had processed the experience fully when it first happened. I was so focused on my physical healing that I did not explore the emotional impact it had on me.
Couples Therapy Offers a Safe Space to Heal and Restore Connection
This is a lot like what happens when you work with a couples therapist in couples therapy. You have nonjudgmental guidance and a space where you are supported and challenged. In your relationship, you may have overcome previous hurts, but you still find yourself reactive. Perhaps you have not fully processed them to the level needed. Then as you begin to talk about those things that are disruptive to your life, Boom! Your trauma starts to rear its head. In couples therapy, you can explore your feelings without fear or shame while exploring identity, understanding inherited patterns of behavior, and developing new modes of communication that foster respect, compassion, and understanding within the relationship.
Once you get comfortable in the uncomfortable process of healing your wounds, you then can reclaim or discover You in the World and not You vs. Everybody! Reach out to us for a consultation to see how we might be able to help you reclaim the joy that comes from living a life connected to yourself and your partner in the ways you would like.
Embrace the Transformative Power of Connection and Self-Discovery Through Couples Therapy in North Richland Hills, TX Today.
Recognize that the scars of past experiences can unknowingly shape your present relationships, prompting reactions rooted in fear or mistrust. Take the courageous step of seeking couples therapy, where you'll find a safe space to explore the depths of your emotions and inherited patterns, fostering new modes of communication that cultivate respect, compassion, and understanding. Break free from the grip of past trauma by shedding light on the unspoken, dismantling barriers, and reclaiming the joy that comes from an authentic connection with both yourself and your partner. Reach out for a consultation and embark on a journey toward reclaiming the vibrant tapestry of love, understanding, and shared growth within your relationship.
Get to know our skilled team of therapists here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form here.
Rediscover purpose and meaning in your life.
OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES AVAILABLE AT LUXX THERAPY
In addition to Couples Therapy, we offer a wide range of services at Luxx Therapy geared towards meeting you where you are in your mental health journey. We will walk the path to understanding and healing with you whether you are in need of Individual Counseling, Trauma Therapy, or Family Therapy! Reach out to us today.